Stories: The St Johnny Blog

Heat your pan

So here I am, out of the cabin, after a wonderful weekend and I’m back to this shithole or paradise depending on who you ask. While I will certainly be crucified for this, let me tell you a little known (or widely known by people with taste) secret. Barcelona is shit.

While I will certainly be crucified for this, let me tell you a little known (or widely known by people with taste) secret. Barcelona is shit.

Philosophically: Sodom and Gomorrah would blush. The world capital of debauchery. The city itself is a prostitute. No wonder it is full of promiscuous, vacuous, selfish individuals from all walks of life. From the government institutions to temples of higher learning (or indoctrination camps, called universities).  A guy declared independence and fled to Belgium while his whole cabinet was sent to jail. Talk about bravery or strategy. I won’t go much into politics apart from saying that Goebbels would smirk at the mass propaganda pro-independence machine down here. You can see kids who don’t know their elbow from their ass waving an ugly ass flag they don’t know what stands for. Just like the Hitler youth waved the Third Reich away.

Anyone who comes here from a protestant country to work or set camp for a new enterprise is just after the long hanging fruit and the hedonistic lifestyle the city enables. Do not trust these people. They’re taking the easy way out. They’re here to take advantage of the mass youth unemployment, cheap wages, and the fact that everyone from 18-25 would become a prostitute to live here.

"Everything in Barcelona is pantomime, from the ‘tech’ scene to the ‘nightlife’."

The tech scene is full of ‘start-up’ studios that copy each and every business model that is successful outside the borders of the province. Nothing new and/or important is going on here. The residents lie about a so-called ‘quality’ of life that is unmatchable by the Garden of Eden itself. Yes, sure. If you’re after some nasty mondays and your hard drug cocktails, then yes, this is the place to be. But I was not. And so weren’t most of the friends I made here, so we all left for greener pastures.

Culinary perspective

From a Culinary perspective: While it’s true that the city houses a ‘bunch’ of renowned restaurants, such as Disfrutar and Tickets, the 99.99% of the rest are total garbage. As I’ve mentioned above, the city itself is a prostitute, and so the restaurants in it are like the condoms a professional, self-respected sex worker would hand you. It’s funny how foreigners think the national Catalan dish is called ‘Tapas’ (imagine in a french accent).

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Pa amb tomaquet, croquetas, pimientos del padrón, and fried cuttlefish. If you don’t know where to go, your culinary experience here will be lackluster. For this same reason, I will be kind enough to provide you with a little shortlist in the appendix section if you’re visiting, which is very likely you will during your lifetime.

End game

Fuck this town. I would skip entirely and look for trouble elsewhere. A true cynic demands real action and strives for virtue. I leave.

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